Ode to an Audit


As you all know, it is the goal of my organization to jerk you around until your little brains crack like a baboon’s backside.  And in the spirit of that, we created the concept of IRS audits.  So, while I was showering the other night, some strange audit-related rhymes got stuck in my head which led to a few more, which led to the below:

Ode to an Audit

Don’t start thinking
We’d accuse you of lying and stuff
When the reality simply is
That we’re just checking up

So let’s schedule an audit
For an inconvenient day
Don’t think about rescheduling
You don’t get a say

So maybe I’ll show up
Sometime around nine
Possibly quarter after
If the location I cannot find

Park me in a corner
With my laptop and calculator
And I’ll ask a lot of questions
With answers I won’t remember later

Your deposits are too high
Your income is too low
Oh wait a second
You refi’d your home

Moving on
To Cost of Goods Sold
The deduction you took
Was really quite bold

So show me the ledger
Pages totaling two hundred seventeen
And the supporting receipts
In boxes one, two, and three

The auto repairs are my next concern
They’re simply way too high
But as you told me twenty minutes ago
The newest truck was made in 1985

So I suppose we addressed the issues
And all that’s left to do
Is discuss all my findings
And all that might be due

But what it all comes down to
The simple fact, however strange,
Is that a week long audit
Resulted in “no change”

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